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I am going to Kill Him!


I killed My Neighbor!

It was a beautiful early spring day and we seen a moving truck next door, so my wife and I went to see who was moving into the house next to ours. And as we approached we heard yelling, and so we came closer more slowly. As we rounded the truck we seen a man mercilessly belittling the poor man who was delivering their things.

I stepped forward and introduced myself, and asked if can I help in anyway, and the man left the poor driver alone, and turned on me, and asked why don’t you mind your own business. So I said, I am your neighbor and just wanted to help.

Were as the man simply stated no one can help us today for this man has lost some of our more personal things, and my wife has gone to see if they can be located. Some how this moron did not get everything off of the train, at the depot. And he is; ‘Sorry!’ Big whoopee, for it sure doesn’t help me any, unless you have them in your pocket, then I suggest you take your little nosy, nose and go elsewhere. For I have no use for neighbors, never have.

Well, we seen that it was not a good time and preceded to go home, and eat dinner. But, while Jody was preparing dinner she said started up a conversation about what had happened. I simply stated it must have been a really bad day, and surely no one is that bad. But, what if he is, exclaimed Jody? I said we might just have to, ‘Kill him then!”, his wife would be better off! Jody, just asked, but what if she is just as bad? Simple then we will kill them both! Troubles all solved.

Jody in her sweetness, finished dinner and made, two apple pies. She washed the dishes, and said she would be back in a few minutes. I knew exactly where she went, and I was going to act like I never knew.

The next day, I heard yelling next door, and so I looked out the window towards the neighbors house, and there he stood yelling at his wife like she was a dog, or worse. In the pieces of the conversation I heard him say, I don’t care where that pie came from, we are not going to make friends with those people. They are busy bodies who try to get involved in everyone’s affairs, and it is wrong and I don’t want any part of it, do you understand me?

But, as fate would have it the house next door was vacant for a few years, and some repairs were in order. Word had it that the couple had spent most of their savings trying to buy, and move. So I knew what was coming, and I prepared for my move. This guy was going to get it,. And his wife would never get yelled at again by this disrespectful wind bag. And sure enough he came over asking if I might have a few tools he could borrow, to do some repairs. I of course said sure, what do you need? He said a hammer, and some nails might be nice, and perhaps a cordless drill with some screws. But his biggest problem was the septic line was either clogged or something because it drained so slowly. I told him that the clean out for these houses was out back, and I gave him a shovel and showed him where. This was going to be so easy, I told myself.

As the poor guy dug, and dug, I seen his face over the fence turn to confusion, and hate, and he started yelling and throwing things. His wife made herself scarce real quick, and I knew it was almost time. Then when he found the clean out, he pried the lid off and it all came gushing out all over him, and he threw the shovel, and just starting yelling at the top of his lungs. The whole neighborhood heard him, and some came out to see. But the fence was too, high.

I knew then it was time for me, to come over and get this problem handled right now. So I got my other shovel, and headed over to his house, and since his fence was so high no one could see us. As I approached, he was still trying to wipe all the goo off his pants, and shoes, still yelling of course. And I simply started shoveling the toilet paper, and all the stuff that came out of that sewer pipe, and I moved it to one side. Wow, I said that was pretty backed up, and I think we can get this fixed in a jiffy. He looked stunned, and stopped yelling for a second. This gave me an opportunity to tell him that, my name is Sam, and I had the same problem, and all we have to do is allow it a few more minutes to drain, while digging a small ditch away from the area, so we could work. Then it gushed again and got all over me, and I looked stunned, and just laughed and the guy couldn’t help it, he started laughing too. So we both went to work digging a small trench away from the area where we needed to work. I hollered over to Jody, and she came out on the back porch, and just started laughing at me, and I said; it happened again, and we both just laughed.

It was then the guy couldn’t help it, and said, Sorry! I am so sorry for being such a horrible person.

I said, hey it’s OK, things sometimes get us down, but the Lord says we are to do the best we can with what we have and leave the rest in His hands. The guy said, I don’t know about all that stuff, but thanks anyway.

I said no problem so lets get this thing fixed, and if you want we can have a cup of coffee after ward. And He said, OK, that sound good. I just asked Jody to go make a pot, and bring it out back. She said I would love to! He said is your wife always that nice, and I said of course, for we try to always be nice to one another for she is my closest and best friend. Why would I have married her if she were not? The poor guy looked totally puzzled all over again, but in a nicer way this time.

So we got the sewer cleaned out and tried the toilets a couple of times, and the bath and sinks, and they all worked now, and it was getting late.

I said lets close this up, and get a cup of coffee. He said OK, I would like that! So we walked through the gate between the yards,and he asked his wife to come over too, if that was OK, and I said sure, the more the merrier. And we sat down at our little pick-nick table and drank a couple of cups, while talking about a lot of things. Then he saw the little trench about like his was, and he said is that where you got it? I said yes, but I not only got it, I slipped and fell right in it, and was covered from head to toe. And the fence was not here then and the neighbors seen it and everyone laughed.

But didn’t that make you mad? Sure it makes one mad at something embarrassing happening, but that never solved anything, but seeing the humor from their perspective; I could help but reverse that madness, and laughed so hard I fell again. Only this time, it stuck with me, and so the good Lord gave me a new idea. To try, and believe me it is hard, and see the humor, or the good in things that happens., as long as they are to me, and not something dangerous or horrible.

Then Jody and his wife came out of the hosue and said that they had received a call, and their things had been found, and it was the train stations fault and they would reimburse us for all of our fare, for the troubles. That just made him laugh all the more.

Later that evening while Jody and I were getting ready for bed, and I smelled a whole lot better. I said, ‘I told you I would kill him’; she simply said I know, you always do the kindest things for others!
I told her, sweetheart I have to confess something; “The Lord makes me do it!” sc


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