I was struggling with a decision while knowing others would be significantly impacted. I was listening to my inner voice, challenging me to let go of everything and start over. I was acting on that decision and living through the void of uncertainty. I was following my intuition, no matter the difficulty.
It was a warm Midwest day when I had everything packed into my little car. I was headed south on the freeway while driving to my brother’s home in Missouri. Then, onto a friend’s house in Alabama. Florida was my final destination. The temperature was 80 degrees on the 20th of November 2003.
The road offered an opportunity for much needed quiet and therapy to deal with and heal through a painful breakup. Alone with my thoughts, I could think through much of the triggers and pain that had transpired. It would be the most powerful shift in my life.
Missouri was beautiful with jagged rocks immerging from the greenery on very windy roads. It was so scenic and full of trees. It felt very wholesome and healthy to be immersed in Mother Nature. Although invited to live with my brother’s family, I had this inner urge pushing me to continue on my southern path. The earthen beauty of Missouri nearly seduced me to stay.
Driving from one state to another, I was accompanied by hawks often during my 1800 mile journey. Observing a hawk fly brings me a feeling of strength and confidence and is an intellectual message to stay alert. Commanding the vastness from the higher perspective yet capable of focusing on the smallest creatures below this powerful winged creature shared an imaginary conversation with me saying, stay on focus.
Alabama, here I come! The moss growing on the trees and hanging mysteriously down to the ground sets an impressive stage, especially in the dewy mornings. Walking across the Edmond Pettus Bridge in Selma, I was ever mindful of the intent focus that existed in 1965 on that very structure. People were envisioning a new life and shifting civil liberties for themselves by taking action. The struggle and perseverance of humanity live in the history of Selma. The people there are very inviting and their food very rich and tasty.
I stayed for several months assisting my girlfriend in remodeling her home. Then car maintenance issues came calling, with tires needing replacement. And although Alabama seemed to carry an ere of a simpler life, it was time for me to continue my journey south. My finances were dwindling, and soon I would need to find employment.
The next stop on my journey was a friend in Northern Florida. While there, I took day trips to different parts of the state, asking the same question. Are you my new home? It so reminded me of my childhood and the book, Are You My Mother? The answer thus far was, no.
Florida’s beaches are trance forming with their light-colored, fine sand and pristine blue water. I continued driving into Southern Florida, where I had lived many years prior and connected with an old friend. She invited me to stay with her. Upon arrival, the tears fell down my cheeks, and I knew I was home. Finally, the uncertainty was over. I had my answer. I found what I was looking for; I found a home.
It was imperative at this point I get a job. I was tapping the bottom of my financial barrel, and as some would say, I went past the bottom.
I was enjoying all the beautiful blooming bushes and flowers and earthen smells of Florida. There was so much beauty everywhere. The parks and business properties manicured to a level I had never seen before. Tall ficus trees lined many properties. Unfortunately, after four days of getting myself acclimated to the city and bearings to the new streets, my friend changed her mind. She no longer wanted to have a roommate. Now with 25 dollars to my name, I was feeling some major tension. Not only did I need a job, now I needed a place to live too.
There was only one person left in my Rolodex in South Florida, and that person was just 20 minutes south of me. He lived in a beautiful high rise on the beach with the only choice to park my car was to valet it. He was a businessman who operated out of his home. Upon my visit, he ushered me to his balcony with a cold glass of water. He said he would be on the phone for a good hour or so. He asked if I would be happy, sitting overlooking the ocean at 17 stories up while he worked. But of course, I could find joy there. He handed me a Dale Carnegie book, apologized then disappeared into his office for the next several hours.
While awaiting him to finish his calls, I sat in total silence. I intentionally chose to envision my life the way I wanted it. There were no interruptions. When my thoughts went to places of negativity, I gently brought myself back to what I wanted in my life. I envisioned my home with lots of windows and lots of light streaming inside. The place was small. Maybe the structure was connected to another house by the outside wall. I had my personal entrance to come and go and could park my car right outside my door. My work would be of service to others. Perhaps I could be a companion to an older adult or work in a health food store while waiting to get my massage license in order.
These thoughts felt great. I repeated them over and over again in my mind. I kept adding little pieces to this imaginary picture. The picture was becoming real to me..
The ocean was calming. It was absolutely a beautiful day with crystal blue waters below and baby blue sky above. I could make out a huge stingray moving about in the water below. I sat comfortably gazing out into the horizon, envisioning and holding laser focus on all facets of my life being complete and peaceful. I would run this picture over and over again in my mind.
By the time my friend completed his calls and business, it was dinnertime. He invited me to dinner, and afterward, he wished me well with my endeavors. I did not have the compulsion to tell him I was without funds. I did have the conviction to figure this situation out on my own.
That night, the friend I was staying with, chatted about her neighbor. She was agitated; he was gone all the time and did not take proper care of his cats. I asked her to give him a call. Perhaps, I could stay at his home and take care of his pets. She felt I would be very uncomfortable in his home and described it as dirty and full of fleas. I repeated my request to contact him, so she called and left him a message.
The next morning when I awoke, I was determined to find immediate employment. I picked up the newspaper, then immediately put it back down. I wanted to spend time yet again to envision being happy with my work and focus on the position of my liking. Magically, there was a position available at a health food store nearby. I jumped in my car and headed out to that store. Sadly the job was already taken. The woman there suggested I try the Renaissance Fair. I had no idea what that was. I went there anyway. That position filled just hours ago, and the manager asked why are you asking for this type of job? Generally, it is transient people who ask for these positions. I thanked her and said I would continue to look and under my breath, said, you have no idea just how close I am. For a short moment, I lost focus. The woman at the health food store put my attention elsewhere, and my inner dialogue went with it. I started chasing possibilities instead of believing my vision.
On the way back to my girlfriend’s house, I pulled into a strip mall. Next to the grocery store was a small Mom and Pop’s Health Food store. I remember so vividly going into that business and the woman at the register saying, can I help you? After testing my knowledge, she asked how soon I could start working. My response was now.
Excitedly I returned to my girlfriend’s home. Her phone rang as I entered. It was the neighbor she had left a message for last evening. I told the man I was a friend of his neighbor and had just moved into town and needed a place to stay. I would be happy to live in his studio for the next two months and take care of his cats for free. He said certainly. Tell her to give you the keys.
The goodness coming into my life was overflowing. More was to come. That evening a woman who lived several houses down the street invited me over for a glass of wine. She lived in a beautiful home and was an executive in a big company. We chatted about many topics of interest. She was excited to introduce her two friends who were hairstylists and told me not to worry about getting my hair done. Wow, now that was a golden ticket. Towards the end of the evening, she asked me for my phone number, and I had to tell her I did not have a phone. She immediately wanted to give me a phone. I then had to say to her I had no funds to connect the phone. It was embarrassing. Knowing I was recently employed, she put me on her family plan. My cup was running over.
I turned everything around in 24 hours. I had a great job that I liked. I had a home that was three hundred feet away from the ocean and three hundred feet away from the Intercostal Waterway. I had a phone with a working service and new friends. I had two world-class hairstylists. It was a dream come true, and I received more than my vision held.
My new studio home was 450 square feet, with lots of sunshine coming through the windows. There was an exterior wall separating my space from the big house, and I was able to park my car right outside my door. It was exactly what I had envisioned on that balcony 17 stories up from the ocean. Two months later, the man I never saw came for his cats and moved his things out of the studio. I had just enough money to sign the lease myself.
The health food store was a treasure trove. It brought opportunities to build my home-based business with massage therapy and EFT Tapping. I became fully self-sufficient in the industry with the assistance of the manager of that store. She indeed was a gift from the Universe marketing my business for me.
Three years later, I moved out of that little space and was clearing through my things. I turned over a pair of shoes to see the condition of the heels. I saw the word FAITH stamped in capital letters into the bottom of each shoe. I sank back onto the floor tears were running down my face. I realized I had been walking on faith the whole time..
Sometimes we do not know how we are going to get through difficult situations. With faith and laser focus on our goals, anything is possible!